Monday, June 28, 2010

The 2nd Child

I've been doing a lot of contemplating on the second child of the family. I was the oldest child, so was my mom and we always had a special connection in that way. We understood each other. There are responsibilities that come with being the oldest and privileges too. The oldest child is like the second mom. The one who's "in charge" when mom's not there. In fact, research has shown that oldest/youngest children tend to marry someone who shares their birth order which I find interesting. I think I'll always have a special connection to Christopher because he's the oldest in our family, but I'll have a special connection to Andrew too. It will be a different connection, but special in it's own way.
I REALLY want to make sure that I give Andrew as much as time, love, and attention as I gave/give to Christopher. I've been making a conscious effort to update his baby book frequently, take as many photos, and praise him reaching milestones as I did for Christopher. It is more difficult to keep up now with two, but I'm not using that as an excuse.

I'm also amazed at how different both of their personalities are! I know that's so silly. They are after all two unique individuals. However, I guess I just assumed that since they are both boys, close in age and brothers that they would be perfectly alike in personalities. I'm finding out a little more each day how unique they both are, and while there will be some similarities they aren't anywhere near identical.

Well if you read my ramblings thus far, I would love to know where you fall in the birth order of your family and how that has effected your life. If you have children do you feel a special connection to the child who has the same birth order as you? (I should stress that I do NOT mean you love/favor a child more than others, but that there's a deeper understanding you share.) Does your spouse share your birth order?
I love this one!

6 comments:

  1. Although a middle child, I have always said that I think of myself as the eldest. Perhaps it is because I am the eldest daughter- and therefore the mini mom of my siblings. My husband is the eldest. It makes sense to me that those eldest stereotypes are what I am attracted to in someways. As I look at my little baby now, I do think of the future and really hope that I raise her to be a child that I will be able to lean on for friendship and support just as my mother did with me.

    My two little ones have been completely different in the womb, and it does make me think that they will have completely different personalities.
    ~LR

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  2. I was also the oldest child, albeit out of two children, but only being one of two had a different effect. I was close with my parents, but I was more like a twin to my sister than a second parent (and we're three years apart). I have also heard that people marry those with their birth order, but again, I am not one of those people. J is also one of two, but the youngest. I've really never thought about how it affected me. My mom and I were talking about having kids close together, and she said that she waited to have my sister because she wanted to give me enough time to understand the idea of sharing mom and dad (I got the whole sharing of toys thing...just mom and dad). By the way, I just love your blog. I couldn't tell you why, but I always look forward to reading it. :)

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  3. well chris is the youngest of two kids too. he definitely was treated as the "baby" of the family. in our case i think our opposite qualities are what attracts us. i used to being the "boss" in a way and he used to being a "follower." haha! funny but true! thanks for the comments ladies!

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  4. Chris and I are both the eldest in our families and I think it helps us "just get" each other a little better, if that makes sense. I'm interested to see what it feels like once we have one of our own....hopefully sooner rather than later :)

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  5. I'm the eldest of the four children my parents had together, but I have two older siblings from my parents first marriages and Ryan is the eldest of three. I am extremely close with both parents, but I think that is just my personality. All six of us have great relationships with our parents, but our personalities dictact different types of relationships. It could very well have something to do with birth order. I never thought of that before. Only time will tell if I have a special eldest child connection with my first child. Do you happen to think that your mom and you both being eldest children, but also both being female has something to do with the connection?

    Sorry I have been away for so long. I will start blogging again soon!

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  6. yes, i think both being female had something to do with it too, but definitely not all of it bc i have 3 sisters close in age after me too. there was something different about my relationship vs the ones with my sisters. it could have to do with our personalities being the same.

    i guess the reason i think it has something to do with birth order is because there has been all sorts of research on birth order and how it effects personality, future jobs, and sometimes who you even marry. i think there's a book about it (which i would like to read sometime) called The Birth Order.

    it could also be that when you have kids the oldest gets your undivided time and attention. you bond with them more? any other children that come after have to share the parents attention. i'm not sure bc i certainly think that many factors play a role in the relationships you develop with your children.

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