Thursday, November 3, 2011

Sugar and Spice and Everything....

I've been reflecting on having a baby girl...How things have changed and how it's different this time around with the opposite gender. Someone asked last week "Do you find anything different with a girl now?" I just stood there and couldn't get anything out. I couldn't sum up all of my thoughts in that moment because it's so deep and complex. It still feels weird to say I have a daughter.

Surprisingly all of these gender thoughts started when I was pregnant, even before I got pregnant. "Are you going to try again for a girl?" people asked after Andrew was born. That made me sad. I didn't have Andrew just to "try for a girl." Then when we announced baby #3 was on the way, the pressure! "This better/has to be a girl!", "Are you hoping for a girl?", "What if you have ANOTHER boy?", "I'm praying this is your girl", "Please tell me it's girl this time!", "2 boys? I bet you're hoping/praying this one is a girl!", and "Maybe God will be good to you and give you a girl this time." Those were just some of the things people told me over the last 9 months. Most people meant well, I'm just saying it was pressuring in a way.

If you noticed, I never talked about the gender of the baby much on this blog. I wanted to have the baby, before I talked about my feelings. I'll admit I was hoping for a girl and I did have a feeling it was a girl pretty much after we found out I was pregnant. Plus, remember my fortune cookie prediction? ;) I didn't want to jinx it or put more pressure on myself so I avoided the topic. Well here's a few things that I've found different...
-This now comes to my house with her name on it :)
-I'm not the only one with dresses in my closet

-I love pink and have someone other than me to buy it for (but blue is my favorite color too)
-There are some things I miss about being an "all boy mom." That's how I defined myself and I really thought I always would be one. Growing up I told my mom I wanted all boys :)

-I have to remember to refer to them as "my kids" rather than "the boys."
-People tell me stories. I've been overwhelmed with how many women have approached me and said how lucky I am because they had 3, 4 or 5 boys before they had a girl or vice versa. Moms with boys who are expecting tell me how they hope they'll be like me and "get their girl this time."

-The doctors were the same way. At one of my checkups a doctor joked that if we got another blue bundle, we could always trade with someone else at the hospital for a pink bundle. I don't think so, my boys were too cute to trade! At the hospital a nurse said, "Well you got a girl and you know you tell everyone it wouldn't have mattered either way, but it really did matter";)
-Girls pee on things much more than boys do. I only had one incident where the boys peed when I changed their diaper. I threw the diaper right on them and problem solved! Well if a girl does this while being changed, it wets everything she lays on like: your sheets or rug or her blanket or towel... (I'm speaking from experience)

-There are way more girl aisles than boys in clothing stores

-I'm glad my mom now has a grand-daughter, my SIL has a niece and my only niece, a girl cousin

-I'm scared already about the teen years, but I'm also excited about having a mother-daughter relationship
-We're not done having kids (everyone keeps asking if we are now that "we got our girl"), but I do feel complete.

-It's also not as different as I thought it would be. Babies are babies and many of the things they do has nothing to do with gender, but developmental stage.
So there you have it, my honest opinions. I'm scared to press "publish" on this post because I'm afraid I'll be misunderstood. I guess what I'm saying is that people put a lot of weight on the gender of babies/family make up and it seems like such a big issue, but it's really not as big as it seems. Boy #3 (who would have been named Stephen Justin) would have been just as welcomed and precious to us:)


  1. I appreciated you post. I had two girls first and I sincerely didn't care what gender I had. I actually was even hoping for another girl a bit, just because I knew what I was doing and we had all girl clothes and toys. But, now, I'm so glad to have my boys. They're less dramatic, usually. :)

  2. Don't worry about being misunderstood! I think you expressed yourself well and honestly--and I really respect your indifference to the gender. You don't have kids just to achieve the picture perfect family--you have them to raise them to be whoever God meant them to be!

    Also, my sis just had her fifth baby, the FOURTH boy in a row. Thankfully, she has a similar attitude to yours. She couldn't be more excited even though she's "used to it" by now.

  3. Even though E is my first, people still said things like that to me. After we found out the gender, people asked if we were bummed we were having a boy. What an odd thing to say. They've also said "well, there's always next time for a girl." When you go into the 20-week ultrasound or the delivery room, all you hope for is a healthy baby. The challenges and rewards of each gender are just a bonus. Good post.

  4. I really enjoyed this post. Funny you mentioned the teen years. A stranger commented the other day how rough I'll have it when my girls are teens. My reply was a little snappy with "I was picture perfect as a teen, and here's hoping they are the same." In the circles I grew up in rebelliousness peaked at three years old and waned from there.

    I love seeing their baby pictures together.

  5. Grumpy Grateful Mom-It's funny that people assume everyone wants/needs one of each gender.

    Megan-That really bothers me that people said that to you...ugh!

    LR-I was difficult as a teen. Not horrible, but I sure said a lot of terrible things to my parents when I got angry. I really worry about the boys and now Evie becoming teens. I feel like it's so easy to "mess up" and everything is out on the internet to never let anyone forget. I pray about it even now.

  6. Abby-So glad to have found your sister's blog!

  7. This is such an interesting post. Even though they mean well, it's kind of rude that people would say all those things about you having a girl. What if you did have another boy? You obviously would still love him and be consumed with nothing but happiness and joy and probably wouldn't even think about the "what would life be like if he were a girl instead?" All your children are beautiful and each one a blessing. I'm happy for you. :D

  8. I found your blog from your other sisters blogs, and I really wish I knew all three of you in real life. Sounds totally creepy to say, but I do. I love that you're from a huge family and AH yeah I just really enjoy reading your blogs. Have you ever done a post on your big family?

  9. Sean-That's what really bothered me about the comments. I hated feeling like other people would be disappointed in our baby if it was a boy.

    Monica-Thanks for visiting! Not creepy at all. There are many bloggers that I wish I could meet or know in real life. I haven't posted on my blog about my big family specially. I'm torn with posting pics and info about them too much for privacy reasons. My mom is really protective and gets worried about her kids being on the internet (a lot of my siblings are still in elementary school). To help sort things out though, I'm the oldest. Elizabeth (the married sister that blogs) is child #3. Petchie (the engaged sister) is #4.

  10. She's so beautiful! I have 3 boys, but I think we're done :-)

  11. It is so weird how people think that it is okay to say things like that. I am having my first (a boy) and people have made the girl comments. I'm sure it is because I am a girly girl, but still, either one would have been amazing...a child is a gift!

  12. I Agree! Babies are/should be loved boys and girls alike! They are all special and precious!

    ps. I mentioned you as one of my fav blogs on a feature being done on me :) I will email you the link when it gets published! hugs!

  13. Beautiful post! All your children are precious and perfect! The number of boys and/or girls in a family is meaningless. My family happens to be 3 boys and 3 girls, but if my siblings were opposite genders, it wouldn't change a thing. I love them all!

    Girls are fun to dressup and I do love having nieces, but my boys are awesome too! We all have our special traits!

  14. I love my babies too much to try to wish them into some "perfect family" mold...their beautiful character and spirit are all that matter to me - and adore the fire of my boys and the beauty of my girl!

  15. I'm so glad that God is in control of choosing the gender...too tough a decision. I love my boy and my girl to death! But I agree there is something fun about having both and experiencing all their differences.

  16. Hi there! New follower!
    This post is cute. I have a girl and can't imagine having a boy! I LOVE having a daughter but we honestly would have been happy either way as long as the baby was healthy!!

  17. Seriously, I know exactly what you are talking about here. After three boys, the pressure from everyone to have a girl this time was overwhelming!

    I first starting getting those American Girl magazines right after we found out that number #3 was going to be a boy. It was so annoying. lol!

    Thanks for the diapering tip...having a girl is a completely new experience for us too!

  18. LOVE your blog - found you from Kelle Hampton's blog where you posted about the Easter pic and the chics pooping all over - was laughing my butt off so had to check out your blog! Your kids are so darling!!

    My mom's first 5 babies were boys, and darn it, she wasn't going to stop till she had her girl (that would be me!) and then another daughter.........and then another 2 boys! whew! I really don't know how you even feel up to "it" after 5 kids - let alone 6 or 7!
    (I am childless - by choice - but am the Auntie-on-Call 24/7!!). I think being a mom has to be the hardest job in the world.............God Bless Mommies!

  19. WOw Marjorie, Your blog is getting popular! That's really cool :) I really like this post!! Thanks for your honesty and as a Mom of two boys like you once were, I wonder what I will be thinking when I'm pregnant with a third and when I find out the gender. I do admit I would love love love a girl, but who knows if that will happen, and I'm okay if God blesses us with just boys. I always thought I would have boys too.